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Thursday, August 11, 2005

About a pregnant girl

If you came here looking for my post regarding something about "who is telling the truth?" etc, sorry to say that you're too late. At Vandice's suggestion, I've pulled my post. I won't be surprised if you can find a cached copy elsewhere, but as far as the World Live Web (a.k.a. the blogosphere) is concerned, the old post no longer exists.

After reading the feedback, rereading my post, reading Idle Days' comments, and much deliberation (because I don't want to come across as needing to overly explain myself), I felt that I should clarify one thing:

I never ever directed my post at Tristefemme herself. Never. Not in a million years. Cross my heart, swear it's true, may lightning strike me if I'm telling a lie.

After her blog first appeared on Tomorrow.sg, I read her entries, then I read the comments on Tomorrow (I admit that I never read any of the comments on her blog, silly me). Initially, I felt sorry for her, and my first thought was that if I had a million dollars, she would receive a tax-free baby bonus from me. Alas, I am no millionaire.

But another thought crept up: strangers were sympathising with her and seemingly pointing an accusatory finger at the father. Wasn't that very one-sided? In the court of law, no judge would allow one side to win a case based on what that side has said about the other (the only exception I can think of is when the other side is absent from the proceedings, in which case the former wins by default). Both sides must have a chance to express themselves, and then the judge decides who is right.

With regards to Tristefemme's blog, she is one side, the father is the other side, and we, the readers, are the judge. For me, there was no rational reason for me to side with her before hearing his story.

So the target audience of my post was actually the readers of Tristefemme's blog. I wanted them to take a moment to sit back, take a breather, and take another look at the situation before pronouncing judgement.

Compassion, on the other hand, is not necessarily driven by logic. And the pregnancy is real. As is her hurt. Which is why I still feel that if I had cash to burn, I'd give some to her. Money is a poor substitute for true concern. Besides, I don't know if she's rich or not (and I'm not going to be dragged into that debate!). But from one stranger to the next, I think it's allowable, e.g. like how one could give to a charity, and the gift would then be seen as a sign of concern.

Tristefemme, if by any chance you're reading this, and you were hurt by my original post, I hope that my clarification helps to alleviate any misunderstanding between us. I apologise humbly if I failed to make myself clearer in my original post about who I was speakinig to.

By the way, the father has replied. Thank you, LX. I applaud your courage in standing up and telling us your side of the story.

Now, let us put this whole "who is right, who is wrong?" argument behind us and focus on the really important thing here, namely, the unborn baby.

--

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44 comments:

Anonymous said...

Do you've a heart? She is going thru pain now. And, you are making joke on her. Regardless her story is true or not; you should not create joke like this. What if the story is real? Will you hurt her feeling?

I think you are a narrow minded person who think that you are very intelligent.

Wake up. Shame on you!

Yuhui said...

Do I sound like I'm joking??

zeenie said...

I think you raised a valid point and did it in a fairly objective (some might call it cold) way.

While i sympathised with her plight, a small voice inside advocated caution in believing it wholeheartedly too. It may be a true story, or a smear campaign, or even the work of a really imaginative mind, whatever it is, it has made us feel and react.

I really do hope all bodes well for the writer of that blog.

Don't be disheartened by nameless people taking pot shots, some of us like to voice our thoughts, sometimes out loud.

Lupin Tan said...

I admired your courage and your impartiality to look at the complete story. Not sure if the bugger will stand up according to how she wrote it.

Question is why do people always irk responsibility after actions. Fear? It sure's one maturity in handling situation.

Yuhui said...

zeenie, Lupin: thanks!

andrew said...

hi yuhui, agree with your cynicism. whatever it is, let's hope the baby gets taken care of. after all, innocent children often end up taking the brunt of adult actions. anyway, let's hope both parties find resolution.

Anonymous said...

mmm can't google and find ah? :)

felicity said...

I have very glad of postings like yours which seek to caution the readers not to accept things at their face value.
She is not that innocent and pure. I am a single mom myself and I do not think the man should be blamed for getting the girl pregnant, it takes two hands to clap. I am sick of girls who think that they need rescuing all the time. For god's sake, stand up and take some responsibility for your own life instead of resorting to seeking sympathy to get you what you want!

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
dizzydee said...

Good you took the time to step back and think. While you did not dismiss the story as being untrue you did not close yourself to the possibility that it could be a one-sided version of a series of events.
Anyway, while I feel sorry for the poor girl I do not endorse her blogging about the jerk and leaving breadcrumbs towards his identity...
If she'd just told her story and how she was coping with it I might have sympathized just a little bit more.

O.E.B. said...

Your blog sounds like one of those guys whose trying to prove that John Titor the time traveller is a fake. Even if the blog is a fake, these kind of men does exist in this world. They deserve to be castrasted.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Yee-Wei Chai said...

hey brother ... u shld update the blog and say this is real. trust me ... I know the who is person involved. I think now that I cleared your doubts, you shld at least do her a lil' justice but not putting in any words of suspicions.

vivienne said...

Actually I also think that this blog should be taken with a huge pinch of salt. From what I read, I get the eerie suspicion that she is keeping the baby to punish the guy and make his life a living hell.

Some questionable points:

Yes, he doesn't want this child. I don't want it either. But it exists, and even though to him, the child has the wrong mother, he is afterall the father of the child, the other half of the child. How can anyone with a conscience be so heartless and cruel to his own flesh and blood?

On (1), I do not consider it an act of responsibility as, as the father of the child, he is legally obliged to pay child maintenance until the child turns 21

I am only 26. I have so much going on for me. I am not ready for motherhood. I can barely take care of myself, with my history of depression, mood swings and emotional uncertainties, let alone another human being.

Honestly, I find it hard to believe that anyone in the right mind would be a single mom given her circumstances. I guess the point that I am trying to raise is: is she having the child with his/her best interest in mind? Or is it just another avenue to punish LX for fooling around with her and not loving her as much as he loved his ex?

For some reason, I think her insistence that LX should bear equal responsibility for this child is pretty tell tale. I always thought that girls in her position would strive for independence from the guy. Furthermore, I think it's only reasonable that it should have crossed her mind that the guy, being the "irresponsible person" that she claims he is, might shirk responsibility when the time comes.

I'm not certain but I don't think it's a crime in Singapore to not pay alimony or child support in this case.

Perhaps she's blogging now to semi-reveal the identity of the fella so that he is going to get pressure from those around him to "live up his part of the bargain" as the father of their child. A possibility I think.

Anonymous said...

The VJ and DHS folks are already spreading this around the circle. Am amazed at the speed this goes. Guess it will be a matter of time the national press picks this up.

nilsinelabore

vandice said...

nilsinelabore: There was no need for the teaser or update. What is a private matter between two consenting adults is now a public spate. Do for a moment consider the impact on the unborn child, who is innocent. I would much rather the mum and dad patch things up (at least enough to be cordial to each other) than to aggravate things by burning him on the virtual stake that is the blogosphere. My thoughts here.

Anonymous said...

You can't blame her for wanting to keep the child right? To some people, abortion = murder. I think as a Roman Catholic she holds that view.

I have no doubts that both parties are to blame. But in our society when a juicy story like this comes out, the guy will invariably shoulder more of the blame and public criticism. I think his career in the SAF will also be permanently damaged.

That's life. The female author knows it too.

Terz said...

Doesn't matter now, I think.

Just went to the link and the blog's been taken down, or it may have exceeded its bandwidth.

Yuhui said...

Thanks to everyone for the supportive comments. Remember: when reading anything, especially anonymous items, look at all sides before pointing fingers! :)

andrew said...

I've come to the conclusion that the blog is true... from a certain point of view.

Obi-wan, you are indeed!

sassyjan said...

a case of a vengeful and toopit toopit ger and a beri rational guy.

women at this age and time should learn how to take care of themself liao.

thanx for linking to the cache.

Anonymous said...

Well that guy has nothing to worry about his SAF career. After all his daddy is in top 100 richest man in Sg. And yes he has to shoulder half of the responsibility, whether she decides to abort or not. And she being a Catholic, and i know some, they can be quite staunch in their beliefs.

Anonymous said...

i agree with many, if not some, of you who commented.

i agree that it's both who are in the wrong for this case, and strongly feel that she has been quite bias, though i originally thought she was taking a close-to-neutral view at the start.

quite sadly, the tone of her writing changed as i continue to read downwards.

i just hope that both of them don't make another mistake.


kjd

Anonymous said...

Truth or not, yuhui is one extremely rational person.

Most if not all the readers will say, wow poor girl. Full stop.

Yes, wow poor girl. Then what?

A quote from my favourite movie American History X

"Has anything you've done made your life any better?"

Roman Catholic I am. Therefore, abortion is murder. My conscience however tells me that unless she gets rid of the sheer hate she has in her heart, I tell you, it is likely the kid will hate HER more than the father, because kids astute as they are can sense hate and no matter how or what bad things she tells the kid, the kid will grow to hate the mother too.

What has she done to make the kid's life better? (Besides choosing not to abort) Absolutely diddly SQUAT. In fact I dare say she has made matters many orders of magnitude WORSE.

Both parties are terribly at fault. And I have yet to see any merits in this girl's actions.

Note that I am not condemning the person, but am pointing out the flaws in her actions so that she may change them.

And well... do you really think the national press will pick up on this? Maybe a certain chinese evening daily paper lah... and we do know what kind of news that one publishes....

Boringest :| said...

I guess a lot of us here are just giving comments without putting yourself in her shoes...what would you have done if you have a living thing in you? Worse still, getting dumped by one you loved? All at the same time.

Anyway, to use a girl as a fuckbuddy and dump her after getting her pregnant isn't the most responsible thing a person can do isn't it?

Finally, I think we should leave this matter to rest...give the girl time and space!

Anonymous said...

Yuhui, Andrew

I think of all the bloggers both of you have demonstrated the most maturity in this matter.

We really have not heard LX side of the story. There may be critical points to:-

1. Why doesn't LX want to marry a girl? Are there valid reasons why the marriage should not happen? I disagree that a loveless couple should get married for the sake of a child because I have a fren who has done that and is very unhappy with her life now. Was the relationship a happy or rocky one? Was it one sided?

2. Does she really love the child?
- why destroy the child's father's reputation?

3. Is it normal to tell a guy that you are pregnant only after 11 weeks? I thought like 2 months was the usual

4. How is she going take care of the child? She wrote that her family is a simple one where even her mum is working.

hm... these are my questions.. not sure if there will even be answers.. oh well..

lish© said...

Yuhui, thanks for caching the original post. I just got to read it today.

For the rest (part of the rest) who thinks the guy is not to blame, wake up. There's no blame or no blame, but the bottom line is this. Yes, 2 consenting adults went into a sexual relationship together. But to flee at the crux point only says very tellingly that he did not love her. No normal female would go into a relationship for 8 months just purely to have sex, and then get pregnant.

As her blog stated, she didn't want to be pregnant either. Who does before marraige??? But he could have at least done the decent thing and stuck out to make a decision to abort together, or agree to disagree. Flinging her aside, that is a basic fact that one or both sides of the story cannot change.

Think about it.

Anonymous said...

To the comment above mine

How do you know they did not agree to disagree?

How do you know that he didn't try?

You point out correctly that you haven't heard his side.

To the comment above that one

Leave this issue aside?
Why can we leave this issue aside when it is she who plastered on the net for all the world to see? Need space? Don't put it on cyberspace...

vandice said...

Dear yuhui, TF has taken down her blog. This is an indication she wants privacy. There is an excellent summary of the guy's description on this post, so I hope you will consider pulling this post from your blogs (both here and LJ). I don't think it helps the families or the unborn child any bit for this to degenerate into a 'shame the guy' media circus.

vandice said...

P.S.: I have already taken down mine.

Anonymous said...

I am lx. I originally did not want to respond. But seeing how things have evolved, I feel its fair to state my side of the story so that all of you can have a fuller picture of what actually transpired.

I met her through a mutual friend 8 months ago. We started dating a few weeks after the initial introduction. However, our relationship was not smooth sailing. I initiated to break up 3-4 times over the 8 months because I felt that we were not compatible. However, during each breakup, she became extremely emotional and pleaded to give the relationship a second chance, to which I relented. The most serious one was in Feb when she begged that I stay with her until her birthday in Jul before we breakup. Again I relented.

Over the months, we were 2 mutually consenting adults who engaged in sexual relationship. Each time I suggested using the condom, she would get upset and would state that she was on the pill. Further she added that the pill was much more effective than the condom. Thereafter, we decided not to use the condom.

In Jun, she mentioned that she has missed her period for a couple of weeks and felt slightly nauseous. I was concerned and asked if she was pregnant. She quickly dismissed the notion by stating that she was on the pill and her polycystic ovarian syndrome has rendered her virtually infertile. I did not probe further.

We almost break up again on her birthday in mid July but she became so emotionally unstable to the point where she tried to cross a busy road without any concern for her safety. I had to restrain her and calm her down. After that, I did not pursue to breakup anymore.

A week later, she broke the news that she was 11 weeks pregnant. My initial thought was whether we could get married. However, after much thought, I realised that marriage was not an option because I firmly believe that marriage should be based on love and trust. We had neither. I conveyed to her that we should not get married given that it would be a loveless marriage. Being a pro-choice and the fact that we had no love between us, I stated my preference not to bring the child to this world, if it was medically safe. At no point in time did I insist that she abort the fetus. I firmly stated that it was her body and her choice as well on whether or not to keep the baby and I will respect that.

Two nights later, she and her parents came to my place and demanded that I marry her for 10 years and then divorce so that she can keep that child. I disagreed, as I believed that this option would not be in the best interest for all parties. Things got heated and her parents threatened to write to the Ministry of Defence. We could not resolve the issue that night and they left subsequently.

A few days later, I tried to arrange another meeting with her to try to resolve the matter, hoping that she would have calmed down by then. Soon I realized that she has emailed all my friends on my Friendster list to tell her story, but leaving out details about our rocky relationship, creating the impression that our relationship has been fine and that I broke up with her only because she was pregnant. I had to respond by emailing my friends to fill them in on my side of the story.

When I reached the place where we were suppose to meet, I found out that she contacted my close friends and got them down to tell her side of the story, hoping that they could convince me to change my stance. Her mother came along shortly after and both of them started to insist that we get married for the sake of the child. When I refused, things got heated up and she started to hit me. Her mom also scratched me, tearing my t-shirt in the process when I tried to leave. Her mom further threatened to stab me. My friends had to restrain and calm them down. When situation cooled off, I suggested that we approach a professional counselor to facilitate our discussion and any decision to be made. She agreed initially but her mom intervened and things got heated up again. I left the scene to avoid fueling the situation further.

That night, she and her mom came to my house and demanded to speak to me. Both of them were emotionally unstable and fearing for the safety of my family given her mom’s threats in the afternoon, I decided that was not the best time to meet. They continued banging my gates and shouted to my neighbours, saying that I refused to marry her daughter after she got pregnant. They left after a while.

The next day, when I reached my workplace, I realized that she had emailed her side of the story to my Minister and my superiors, once again leaving out important details about our relationship. It was clear to me that it was a calculated move to destroy my reputation and career and to pressure me to marry her. Again, I had to respond to my superiors with my side of the story.

We met at a counseling session a week later. In my mind, it was clear that marriage was an institution based on mutual love and trust and that we had neither. Hence, I maintained my position that we should not get married. What happened over the past 2 weeks reinforced my decision. In my opinion, it was in the interest of the child not to be brought into this world given that there is no love and marriage. However, if she chooses to keep the child or give the child up for adoption, I will support her decision.

The purpose of this post is to state my side of the story as best as I can. This is to be fair to myself, my family and those who care for me. I admit that I have made mistakes which led to her pregnancy. However, given that I cannot bring myself to marry her, I had to do what I think is right, despite the difficulties in taking this path. Thank you.

vandice said...

Yuhui: ;=}

The Marxx said...

Hey LX
Thanks for telling your side of the story.

I can verify that your account of the incidences are authentic. Although the interpretation of the intents may vary.

Please let me assure you that there never was any intention for the blog to be blown to such proportions.

I am sure you feel a need to validate your decisions, but I fear that in posting this, you might just have added more fuel to the conflagration.

I have my own set of prejudices and opinions regarding your actions and decisions on the pregnancy, but I will save them for a less public airing.

Meanwhiles, you can email me at errolmoo@starhub.net.sg.

Anonymous said...

At no point in time is LX saying that he did not do anything wrong.

Please get it clear.

He is merely completing the picture so that you can understand the full picture.

"My BF broke up with me after 8 months because I am pregnant"

IS GROSSLY DIFFERENT FROM

"We've been trying to break up for ages, I didn't let him, and now I'm pregnant"

Anonymous said...

Yuhui:

I wholeheartedly applaud you and any blogger who has the maturity to

1. Think about listening to both sides

2. Has removed the post from their blog

I can only pray that more people have or learn this maturity, though being the cynic that I am, I think it would be hard.

Anonymous said...

Good to hear LX's side of the story. Oh well... I think the lesson for us all is better not get involved else 'all hell may break loose'.

Anonymous said...

now we get the full picture.. hey, we all learn something from this saga. there are always 2 sides of a coin.

it is indeed a very tricky situation. i wish both TF and LX all the best and pray that they have the courage to walk on the path they each have separately chosen.

Anonymous said...

I am TristeFemme.

Initially, I didn't want to comment about my personal issue that seems to have become a popular topic amongst the blogging community here and was hoping that things would cool down after a while. However, I decided to share my side of the story after things appears to be be going out of hand.

First of all, I did not post my blog link on tomorrow.sg. I had started my blog for myself and a circle of about 15 friends. I had NEVER intended for my personal experience to be shared with the rest of the internet community. A well-meaning friend had posted my blog link on tomorrow.sg, and before I knew it, I had more than 50,000 hits on my blog, which I want to emphasise again, was not meant for the rest of the world to read. Seeing that things were getting out of hand, I had deleted my blog 24 hours after my blog link was posted on tomorrow.sg. It was never my intention to "leave bread crumbs" to shame my ex-bf.

I see that LX has responded with his side of the story. What all of you have read so far on my blog was not the entire story as I had just started writing and had not completed the whole story, which I would like to state again, was NOT for the rest of the world, but my friends, and the blog link was supposed to be known only to the circle of 15 people.

Yes, LX and my relationship was not smooth sailing. It was not only him, but I who also proposed breaking up several times over the course of the relationship. However, I wanted to give us another chance as I loved him and felt that he did not put in enough effort to even try to work things out. Our most serious break-up, however, was in May, not February, when I asked LX to stay with me for 2 more months until after my birthday in July.

Although we had mutually agreed that we would go our seperate ways after my birthday, I felt that LX continued to treat me as his gf for the longer term: He invited me to his friend's wedding; He asked me whether I wanted to join him for his family vacation at the end of the year; We made plans for holidays, etc.

With regards to my lack of preference for the condom, I don't even want to try to set the record straight, because it is his word against mine, and there is no third party who can verify the truth.

While, I did miss my period in June, I had sufficient brown discharge to believe that my body had gone somewhat wrong with brown instead of the usual red period, as I was very stressed up over work. I had also taken The Pill faithfully. Besides, I had Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, a known infertility problem, and I had genuinely and honestly believed that I could not have been pregnant. I was more worried that I could be suffering from premature menopause.

When I broke the news to LX, he spent an hour trying to convince me to abort the child. In no time did he ever discuss any other options. He did not even consider bringing up the child with me, without marriage, say being a part-time father to the child. He tried to discourage me from keeping the child, saying that it would be very difficult for me to bring up the child ON MY OWN. He seemed to have decided that he will not take part, in any way, be part of the child's life.

As I had stated in my blog, I had e-mailed his friends in a fit of anger when I heard that he decided to visit his former boss who was recovering from an illness at home, instead of meeting me to discuss this issue. It seemed to be that he was more concerned with putting up with the appearance that all was well. I was upset and and smsed him about him, and told him that he was a selfish and irresponsible coward. His response: "You can call me anything you want, it doesn't matter".

During our meeting the following day at his friend's ice-cream parlor, LX was aggressive, defensive and harsh, when it was just the two of us. His eyes and voice left no doubt whatsoever that he hated me to his very core. I was glad that my mom and friend had come along, and his friends were present, so that we can try to talk things civilly. He himself said that he had come to try to convince me to abort the child, but since I did not want to, he wanted to state his stance that he could not imagine his life being married to me. I retorted that everything was about him, his life etc, and he gave no thought whatsoever to the life of the child, his child. I was so upset that I slapped him (all present then can verify this), and he has since been going around telling family and friends that I had "physically assaulted" him. I am 1.6m and 47kg, while LX is 1.75m and more than 70kg. My mom did threaten to do something to LX, but he had failed to also add that she had said that she will do something to him only IF he did something to me.

I had written the letter to the Minister of Defence, because he had dared me to. All present at the afternoon meeting can vouch that when I made the empty threat to do so, he had said, "Go ahead, you can even write to President Nathan, for all I care". I hate it that people dare me to do something, and in no way was it a calculated move to pressure him to marry me.

I was hoping that the counselling session would help us to meet each other's wants somewhere in between. During the counselling session, LX simply stated his stance that he did not want to have anything to do with me nor the child. I am sure that the counsellors can vouch that he did not even want to try to work out a "mutually amicable solution" with me. LX was again aggressive, defensive, harsh and full of hatred, and even returned me a boxful of presents I had given him.

I want to state that I do NOT hate LX. Yes, he has hurt me a great deal when he refused to take responsibility for his actions. I am NOT blaming him for the pregnancy. Neither do I expect him to marry me.

What I am hoping for is that he will be a part-time father to his child, to spend just a weekend afternoon with the child,so that the child knows who his/her father is, and has a real father figure to look up to. LX can continue hating me, but I hope that he will not hate his child, and hopefully, even come to love him/her one day. Although LX had stated clearly that he does not want to have anything to do with the child, including putting down his name in the birth certificate of the child, I hope that when the child is born, he will agree to be listed as the rightful father of the child, and give the child a sense of legitimacy. I want what the best for our child, and the one thing I can try but not be able to perfectly give, is to be a father figure to the child.

I think there was much emotions and miscommunication between LX and I and our families. I hope that one day we will be able to sit down and discuss civilly what is best for the child and even be friends.

LX, if you are reading this, I am sorry if I had caused you and your family hurt and grief. I hope that you will be able to understand that this isn't easy at all for my family and I as well. We are also very hurt and grieved by your and your family's behavior. I have to go through this pregnancy and bring up our child alone. It is not going to be easy at all, especially knowing that the father of my child hates me to his guts. My blog was never meant to go public, let alone shame you.

Thank you.

The Marxx said...

Hi Everyone
TristeFemme has said her piece, so has LX.
I'm going to ask that we all please refrain from posting any more comments on the details of this torrid affair.
Lets be humane, non-judgemental and silent.
This is a tragedy and all the publicity will not help.
I would also like the couple to take their discussion off air.

Anonymous said...

For the sake of both parties, let's put a stop to all this. It's never anyone's intentions for this unhappy episode to go public, and let's strive to make this happen, no matter if you are a neutral party or someone who supports either.

While we are awed by the wonders of the Internet and technology, we are less prepared for the potential impacts of what a seemingly "private and personal" post on a blog site. While we may just be posting and spreading this in support of either parties, or just a neutral person proliferating information and awareness, these actions will have greater implications then we had expected, more often than not negative ones.

Unless we seriously harbour malicious intents to ruin the reputations and prospects of 2 promising young people, who, despite this unfortunate episode, can put things behind them and move on with their lives, please STOP. It is daunting to realise what a few simple clicks of your mouse can do.

For the sakes of LX and Tristefemme, and their family and friends who care so much for them, STOP.

Anonymous said...

I noticed that LX kept stressing that his relationship with his ex-gf was not smooth-sailing. The rockiness of their relationship is not an excuse for him to absolve his responsibiliy as the father of the child. TF did not rape him, neither did she artificially inseminate herself with his sperm. LX himself wrote that their sexual relationship was mutually consensual. He should therefore take responsbility for the consequence of his actions. TF is, by not denying the child his/her life and bringing the child up on her own. LX should not pay what measely child maintenance the family courts order him to, and pretend that his child does not exist. I think what TF is hoping for her child, i.e. for LX to spend 4 out of 168 hours a week, or 2.4%, with his child, is a fair request.

NARDAC said...

While Yuhui's post references the need to listen to either side of the story before making a judgement, the natural tendancy towards salacious gossip has overruled whatever noble intentions he had. LX and TF can't refrain from airing their dirty laundry, even on someone else's blog! Pathetic.

Shadow Nova said...

At the end of the day, we have two people with two sides of the story. From their own POV, their own interpretation of the events, both of them could be right at the same time.

So it doesn't really matter now who is truly right. What matter now is the resolution.

The one who is going to be most affected by this whole saga is the yet unborn child. Not TF, not LX. Both of them are old enough and established enough to get over this eventually.

It is the child that will carry this for the rest of his/her life.

I understand that TF is a Catholic and that could be the reason why she will not consider the option of abortion.

If indeed her sole intention in doing all these is just so that the child will have a father and have legitimacy, then why not give the child up for adoption?

If she finds parents for the child before he/she is born, without the need to spend any time in an orphanage, it would make no difference to the child's development.

As long as the adopted parents are discreet and love the child as their own, the child can still have a happy childhood with a full set of parents.

On her own blog, TF mentioned IIRC, that she just wants some financial and emotional support from LX. It appears to me that while accusing LX of only thinking of himself, TF is doing the same. The only difference is she is disregarding the child's ultimate welfare.

Forcing LX in marriage, into being the father will do the child no good. Does anybody seriously think that a reluctant afternoon spent with a possibly unhappy man would make the child happy?

I've friends who got married because of pregnancy. The rocky marriage relationship with almost daily quarrels cannot possibly be good for the child.

If TF you are still reading this, then I urge you to let go of your anger and your current "demands". Please consider first and foremost what is best for your child. Not what you think is the best thing for you.

If TF refuses to consider what's best for the child, then I can only say that I must then doubt the veracity of her story and her ultimate intention.

Yuhui said...

Okay, that's it, this stops now.

Tristefemme - may I suggest LiveJournal for your future blog (if you decide to restart it). LJ is:
1. free
2. allows password-locking of blog entries (provided your password isn't leaked out)
3. generally is less searchable than Blogger (for free members)

Good luck and God bless.

*End transmission*